MY FIRST TUTORIAL

How to Make a Levi Pincushion

1. First of all, let me say this should not be attempted by the faint of heart.
Knowing that, here we go. The first step is to sit on the couch - then watch as your 70 year old husband and 50 year old son, rifles and ammunition in tow, leave in said son's bright red truck to parts unknown.

2. Still sitting innocently on said couch, engrossed in a good movie, said son and should-have-known-better husband return approximately 1 1/2 hours later. Said son reports the pair were across the river in deserted country shooting said rifles at black balloons leftover from said sons 50th birthday party. Said son had tied them to assorted bushes in the area, then hurried to join 70 year old father, grandfather, and husband who sat up a hill, and sitting on the edge up high on the side of a hill.

Upon inquiry, said son and husband reveal all and explain why 70 year old husband is wearing no levis (hence the tutorial) and is covered in spike-like-needle-thorns.
Son said they finished shooting the balloons, sat there on the side of the hill for a few minutes -- just talking-- then they stood up. Said son looked over at this father, and asked "where did he go?" Then he looked down the hill and saw said 70 year old father rolling down the hill, through dirt, rocks, and (you guessed it) Cactus! Said son helped the said father back up the hill to return to the said red truck. The Levis(hence the tutorial) were stuck to said 70 year old husband by long, long, long thorns -- and so were removed before entering said red truck. 70-year old Dad had to sit on one cheek all the way back home, since the other cheek, leg, and ankle were covered in thorns. And that is the way they entered my home. Son tried hard to keep from laughing as he related said story, while said husband went about removing further clothing and showering. Meanwhile, I related to said son that if he couldn't return said father in the same condition as he took in him, it was his job to take care of him. Said son laughed at this, said he had to go home, and left. At this point I wished I could go with said son, anywhere but my home. But I stayed and did my duty, or faced the music-------whatever.

3. After many attempts to remove the long and imbedded thorns, I said to 70 year old husband, who also had much loss of skin and bloody mess on one arm, I bravely said "Why don't we take you up to the hospital?" And to my surprise and relief, he agreed. To make a long story shorter, after all of the rigamorro a person goes through upon entering said hospital, a doctor finally walked in the room, equipped with magnifying glasses, tweezers, gauze, and other instruments. Said doctor worked for about and hour or more - a long ordeal, since some of the thorns had entered and remained in said husband's hand. After much pain and time, for husband, dr., and me, a nurse entered the room and cleaned and scrubbed, medicated, and bandaged afore mentioned arm. Then, at last, we were free to return to this humble abode.

4. The night - at least what was left of it - wore on, and soon we retired to our bed. Said husband arose early to attend a meeting, and I proceeded to staighte up the house. There was blood on the sheets and pillowcase of afore mentioned bed, thorns imbedded in said underwear, shirt, socks (that got thrown away) and tennis shoes, that were placed outside. Upon inspection of said Levis, it was my determination that they were completely and utterly covered in long, nasty-looking thorns, and were immediately removed to an outdoor table. In the sunlight, said Levis looked alarmingly like a Levi Pincushion covered in needles. Hence, the end of this tutorial.